When it comes to table manners, not waiting for you before they
start eating or leaving you at the table when they're done is
disrespectful.
When
it comes to relationships, we often focus on the big
things: Money, kids, religion. But, "it's the small things that end up
making or breaking a relationship," says psychotherapist and
relationship coach Toni Coleman. Here, our experts say, are seven small
things that can make a big (and often bad) difference to your twosome.
1. Your partner is a rabid sports fan (and you're not).
It
may not seem tough to cheer on your partner's team, but, "having to
build your life around every game can be really trying," points
out Lesli Doares, marriage coach and author of Blueprint For A Lasting
Marriage.
Sure, you can appreciate the finer
points of a well-executed sack but you can't appreciate it seems more
important to your sports-loving partner than you do. Over time, this can
cause tension, Doares warns.
2. Your partner isn't a great listener.
When
you were first dating, you thought your partner was just excited when
he or she couldn't wait until you'd finished your sentence to interject
his or her opinion. Now, his or her habit of interrupting hurts.
"Frequently
interrupting or letting their attention be diverted elsewhere sends a
clear message that what your partner feels or needs to express is just
not important to you," explains Coleman. On the flip side, "deep
listening does just the opposite."
3. Your partner spends a lot of time on the phone.
If
you're a Chatty Cathy, beware: "It's great that you have great
relationships with other people, but not so great if you are spending
time with them instead of your partner," says Doares.
"It
also can be problematic if you are sharing things about your
relationship or what your partner is doing that they don't know is being
shared. This is also true if you spend a lot of time on social
media with what for your partner may be complete strangers."
4. Your partner uses the phrase, "yes, but ..."
According
to Coleman, "When a partner is being vulnerable and asking their
partner to own up to something they have done that was wrong or hurtful,
and their partner says, 'yes, but,' they are acknowledging what is
being expressed, but then dismissing it as incorrect and refusing to
take any responsibility."
Two small words with a
really big impact. "Being able to apologize and accept responsibility
for one's behavior and its impact on your partner says I love you like
nothing else," she says.
5. Your partner has bad table manners.
When
it comes to table manners, "not waiting for you before they start
eating or leaving you at the table when they're done is disrespectful,"
says Doares. And, if you feel disrespected, resentment can build up,
meal by meal.
"Same goes with taking the last of
the food without finding out if you want more, talking with their mouth
full, or reading at the table," Doares adds.
6. Your partner doesn't pitch in when you're pooped.
You
can handle almost anything almost all the time. But when you're
stressed, tired, or overworked, you could use a helping hand. "Ignoring
the distress of one's partner communicates a lack of caring," says
Coleman.
"It says, 'it's your responsibility deal
with it and don't expect me to put myself out to help you.' But jumping
in to help and saying, 'take it easy, I've got this,' is a love language
that everyone speaks."
7. Your partner doesn't think of you.
You
may not mind the first time your partner gets up for a snack and
doesn't ask if you'd like anything from the kitchen. But by the tenth
time, you may get a little testy.
"Checking in
with you about whether you want something to eat too, need a glass of
water when they head to the kitchen, getting a plate down for you,
whatever it may be, is a sign of awareness and generosity," says Doares.
"Only
thinking about themselves in these circumstances is self-centered and
does not bode well for the long-term health of your relationship."
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