How to build your relationship/marriage life

Ask yourself, is your marriage or relationship as strong as you actually make people believe it is?

Marriage and deceptive happiness

The very fact that everything looks pretty on the surface does not always mean that all is well in paradise.

True, you may not have had a big fight in ages, or you both don’t even argue, [which in itself might even be a bad thing] this, though, doesn't necessarily mean that you're happily married.

Apparently, as Melissa Cohen, a relationship therapist puts it, “most marriages don't fall apart because of big things, like cheating.

"Often, it's the buildup of years of resentment over lots of little annoyances that suck the love out of a marriage."

Things might appear all good on the outside but there's a rot going on inside (Atlantic)

Having said that, the next thing to ask is this: what are the signs that things are not good in your relationship, even though it looks so?

Communication is weak

One way to know relationships that are indeed flourishing is that the partners therein  regularly engage in deep emotional communication and want to remain intimately connected to each other's inner worlds.

If you don't think to both the small moments and the big moments with your spouse first, then there is something amiss in your connection, whether it appears so or not.

Public displays of affection don't always mean that all is well.

You're overly focused on yourself

You now prefer to spend your time in activities that involve just you, instead of those that you and your partner used to enjoy together.

You might start to exercise a lot, work longer hours, or spend more time with your friends

People might be deceived by the fact that you and your partner still some things together, but you know deep down that you are doing them only as ritual, and not because you really want to be there.

If things were left to you, you’d rather be far away from where your partner is.

If you got others fooled, you shouldn’t do that to yourself. Your marriage, your relationship is not ok, and you know it.

Unfavourable comparisons

If you ever think, ‘I wish my husband was more like Shade's husband’ or ‘I deserve someone who would do for me what Amaka’s husband does for her, then, as Cohen puts it, “you've got one foot out the door,”

Your marriage might look good on social media while it's actually dying already

Indifference to your partner

In a previous article published on this page, we explained how fighting could be a good thing for your   relationship.

Becoming so disengaged that you don’t even argue with your partner anymore shows that you are no longer willing to invest your energy and work into making the relationship tick.

Is a happy marriage or relationship worth fighting for? Absolutely.

So, if you are no longer fighting for it, it means something is no longer good about that relationship.

Lack of real intimacy

That you are still having sex does not really mean that all is well, you know.

Agreed, sex is a great form of being intimate and shows that the bond is still intact, but sometimes, you could be having sex just because you are horny and there’s always someone available to indulge you.

This is particular with couples that have always enjoyed great sex.

Going to bed at separate times, sleeping in different beds… these are other signs that intimacy is lacking in your relationship